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Goldstein Therapy

Mirel Goldstein, MS, MA, LPC is an award-winning, licensed therapist with 20+ years of clinical experience and is a published author.

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When Your Defenses Become Your Personality

When Your Defenses Become Your Personality Sometimes the traits we learned early in life to survive — being “nice,” “strong,” “funny,” “independent” — become the very things people love and expect from us. We get praised for them. Rewarded for them. Identified with them. But what if they aren’t just natural parts of who we are? What if once upon a time these traits were defenses — ways to cope, adapt, and stay safe in a world that didn’t always give us what we needed or meet us where we were...

Here are some links to my recent blog posts for those of you who haven't seen them posted elsewhere (the newsletter content in contrast to my blog posts is exclusive for you subscribers!) Whose Desire are You Carrying: https://goldsteintherapy.com/whose-desire-are-you-carrying/ How Therapy Can Detoxify Shame: https://goldsteintherapy.com/how-therapy-can-detoxify-shame/ Why Giving Love Can Feel Harder Than Receiving It:...

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said enough:When closeness feels too scary, we don’t push people away to be mean. We do it to survive. To feel safe. To stay in control. We tell ourselves we’re “independent,” or that we “don’t need anyone,” but beneath all that distance? There’s often a much younger part of us saying: “Please don’t hurt me like that again.” Because sometimes, connection hasn’t felt safe. Maybe love came with conditions. Maybe it disappeared when you needed it most....

When Old Wounds Speak Loudly Ever had one of those moments where your reaction felt way bigger than the situation called for? Maybe someone didn’t text back fast enough. Maybe your partner seemed distracted. Maybe a friend canceled plans. And suddenly—before you even understand why—you feel panicked, angry, ashamed, or completely unglued. We often call these moments “overreactions”. But I don’t love that word. Because what I’ve seen again and again—in the therapy room and in life—is this:...

Learning to slow down without falling apart Here’s something I had to learn the hard way (and am still learning): You don’t have to deserve rest. Or care. Or gentleness. But you might need to learn how to let yourself have it. For a lot of us, “doing” becomes more than just a way to get through the day. It becomes a shield, a way to avoid sitting with feelings we don’t know what to do with. Sometimes it’s a survival strategy—especially for those of us who grew up in chaos or unpredictability....

The Parts We Push Away I wanted to share something I often say in therapy—and that I’ve had to remind myself of many times too: Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about making space for the parts of you that got pushed aside just to survive. We all have parts of ourselves we’d rather not look at. Maybe they feel too needy, too angry, too vulnerable, too unpredictable. So we exile them. We hide them away, sometimes so deeply that we forget they’re even there. But here’s the thing: Those...

Someone asks how you’re doing. You pause for a moment, almost imperceptibly, and then say, “I’m fine.” You might even smile. You might even be fine—in a functional, productive, responsible kind of way.But inside? Inside there’s a quiet storm. A flicker of loneliness. A tangle of unprocessed feelings you’re not even sure you’re allowed to feel, let alone speak aloud. I know this place well. The subtle dissonance between what’s happening inside and what I present on the outside. The part of me...

We don’t repeat the past because we’re broken. We repeat it because it’s familiar. Because it once helped us survive. Because it’s the only way we’ve learned to feel connection—even if it hurts. And yes, sometimes because we’re hoping, this time, we can finally master it. Therapy gives us the space to notice these patterns with compassion, not shame. And slowly—courageously—it helps us choose differently. I currently have a couple openings for highly motivated clients who want to be...

A piece of therapy fiction: Starting over with a new therapist after 16 yearshttps://goldsteintherapy.com/starting-over-with-a-new-therapist/