Mirel Goldstein, MS, MA, LPC is an award-winning, licensed therapist with 20+ years of clinical experience and is a published author.
You’re not cold, you’re scared: when love feels like danger
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Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said enough: We do it to survive. To feel safe. To stay in control. We tell ourselves we’re “independent,” or that we “don’t need anyone,” but beneath all that distance? There’s often a much younger part of us saying: “Please don’t hurt me like that again.” Because sometimes, connection hasn’t felt safe. Maybe love came with conditions. Maybe it disappeared when you needed it most. Maybe it was intense, confusing, smothering, or just… not trustworthy. So your nervous system did what it had to do: It learned to associate love with danger. Intimacy with threat. Vulnerability with pain. And now—even when someone shows up with real care, you might feel the impulse to shut down, pull away, or pretend you don’t care. Not because you’re broken. Because that pattern once protected you. You can unlearn that wiring. It helps to get to know the part of you that flinches at closeness—not to get rid of it, but to understand it. To slowly show it that this time might be different. That safety can feel quiet. Steady. Real. You weren’t meant to go through life on emotional lockdown. You were meant to connect, and be met, and feel safe in your own skin. Let’s make space for that. Take care- Mirel |
Goldstein Therapy
Mirel Goldstein, MS, MA, LPC is an award-winning, licensed therapist with 20+ years of clinical experience and is a published author.
When Your Defenses Become Your Personality Sometimes the traits we learned early in life to survive — being “nice,” “strong,” “funny,” “independent” — become the very things people love and expect from us. We get praised for them. Rewarded for them. Identified with them. But what if they aren’t just natural parts of who we are? What if once upon a time these traits were defenses — ways to cope, adapt, and stay safe in a world that didn’t always give us what we needed or meet us where we were...
Here are some links to my recent blog posts for those of you who haven't seen them posted elsewhere (the newsletter content in contrast to my blog posts is exclusive for you subscribers!) Whose Desire are You Carrying: https://goldsteintherapy.com/whose-desire-are-you-carrying/ How Therapy Can Detoxify Shame: https://goldsteintherapy.com/how-therapy-can-detoxify-shame/ Why Giving Love Can Feel Harder Than Receiving It:...
When Old Wounds Speak Loudly Ever had one of those moments where your reaction felt way bigger than the situation called for? Maybe someone didn’t text back fast enough. Maybe your partner seemed distracted. Maybe a friend canceled plans. And suddenly—before you even understand why—you feel panicked, angry, ashamed, or completely unglued. We often call these moments “overreactions”. But I don’t love that word. Because what I’ve seen again and again—in the therapy room and in life—is this:...