Learning to slow down without falling apart

Here’s something I had to learn the hard way (and am still learning):

You don’t have to deserve rest. Or care. Or gentleness.

But you might need to learn how to let yourself have it.

For a lot of us, “doing” becomes more than just a way to get through the day. It becomes a shield, a way to avoid sitting with feelings we don’t know what to do with. Sometimes it’s a survival strategy—especially for those of us who grew up in chaos or unpredictability. We get used to moving fast, staying ahead, pushing through. The idea of slowing down doesn’t feel like relief—it feels like a threat.

For others, the intensity itself becomes the addiction. Productivity = worth. Movement = aliveness. If I stop, will I still matter? Will I still feel real?

But over time, that constant “doing” can wear us down. And we can find ourselves feeling anxious, numb, resentful, or burned out—and not knowing why.

I’ve been there.

There were seasons in my life when I pushed past what I needed, thinking I had to be strong, thinking I was falling behind if I slowed down. Part of that was due to being a single mother who worked full-time and worrying that if I slowed down something important would fall through the cracks.

But I’ve come to learn that honoring my rhythms—not overriding them—is where the real work is.

Sometimes that means taking a break before I crash.

Sometimes it means reminding myself that I don’t need to earn my own compassion.

Sometimes it means not doing the extra thing, even if I could.

Therapy can help us untangle these patterns. It can help us find the part of us that believes rest is dangerous or indulgent—and get curious about where that came from. We learn how to feel without shutting down or speeding up. We learn how to be with ourselves, even when we’re not “producing” something.

And slowly, we begin to feel safe… just being.

Working with yourself works better.

It’s not laziness. It’s wisdom.

Warmly,

Mirel

P.S. If this resonates, you’re definitely not alone. I’d love to hear how this shows up for you. Do you find it hard to rest or slow down? Feel free to hit reply and share.

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