When Your Defenses Become Your Personality Sometimes the traits we learned early in life to survive — being “nice,” “strong,” “funny,” “independent” — become the very things people love and expect from us. We get praised for them. Rewarded for them. Identified with them. But what if they aren’t just natural parts of who we are? What if once upon a time these traits were defenses — ways to cope, adapt, and stay safe in a world that didn’t always give us what we needed or meet us where we were...

Here are some links to my recent blog posts for those of you who haven't seen them posted elsewhere (the newsletter content in contrast to my blog posts is exclusive for you subscribers!) Whose Desire are You Carrying: https://goldsteintherapy.com/whose-desire-are-you-carrying/ How Therapy Can Detoxify Shame: https://goldsteintherapy.com/how-therapy-can-detoxify-shame/ Why Giving Love Can Feel Harder Than Receiving It:...

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said enough:When closeness feels too scary, we don’t push people away to be mean. We do it to survive. To feel safe. To stay in control. We tell ourselves we’re “independent,” or that we “don’t need anyone,” but beneath all that distance? There’s often a much younger part of us saying: “Please don’t hurt me like that again.” Because sometimes, connection hasn’t felt safe. Maybe love came with conditions. Maybe it disappeared when you needed it most....